How to Reduce the Cost of Your Divorce:
Understand that Conflict (& Fear) is the Cost Factor. The higher the conflict the more your divorce will cost. Think twice before you hire someone who promises “aggressive” representation. Is a fight with a former loved one something that is likely to have a good outcome? The skill you need most in your corner is a dedicated problem solver or negotiator. Find someone who can demonstrate respect for your spouse; someone who finds ways to increase security and trust; someone who strives for fairness and peace.
Accept the Emotion of the Divorce. If one of you is especially hurt by the divorce, understand that they will not be able to make the decisions that are required to avoid a court determined outcome without a considerable amount of time and help. Understand that counseling doesn’t have to be about “saving the marriage” but can be used to coach one spouse through the divorce process. Mental Health Professionals who work with family lawyers can also be used to facilitate important conversations about children or financial issues. Using divorce “coaches” can often hasten the process of divorce and provide better outcomes.
See the “Flip Side” of the Issue. Understand you are probably not going to get everything you want in a divorce. To facilitate your ability to compromise spend time thinking about why some particular outcome is important to you. Think about and listen to why your spouse wants a different outcome. Consider your reasons and their reasons. Question whether there is a way to meet both of your needs? Consider the closest alternative to a win-win outcome.
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